Today is a bad day to be an Englishman in Australia. Ponting is single handedly dismantling the surprisingly insipid English bowling attack and I can’t make a purchase, travel on public transport or enjoy a quiet drink without a ribbing from someone who has noticed my accent. The locals can’t contain themselves. “A pot of Carlton please”. “Oh, you must be sick”. “Just the newspaper thanks”.”Oh, you must be sick”. Pump number two please”. “Oh, you must be sick”.” Yes, sick, sick and tired and the Ashes series is only two days old. I hope to god England remember how to play cricket, because if they don’t, I am going to have to spend an awful lot of time out in the bush riding my bike.